Because supporting families is so important to me, I want to share a few thoughts with you about where my heart is now as white people wake up more and more to the fact of entrenched racism—and how deeply destructive it is to families and communities of color and to our society. I want you to know where I stand, and to ask for your help.
I feel the rage and heartbreak of the loss of so many lives—Rayshard Brooks, George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and so many more—and the pain of seeing more clearly than ever how our systems and we as individuals continue to perpetuate the suffering of Black families in particular. It has to stop.
We know that without safety, our children and our families cannot thrive. It’s not okay and has never been okay that a Black mother worries for her child’s safety in the world in a way that I never have to. This must change.
What I’m Doing
I’ve been listening a lot these past few weeks. When I’ve felt uncomfortable, I have tried to keep listening—something I value deeply as a coach and a parent, and something I can see now I have not done enough when it comes to learning about the lives of Black and Brown people in particular.
Out in the world, I see that I have too often stayed silent, or turned away when I should have turned towards small and not-so-small instances of racism. In private, I have let myself put down the book, close the computer, take a break when the stories of injustice and suffering have felt like too much to bear.
I want to do more and do better.
For a number of years, I’ve had a daily practice of recommitting myself to several vows that I’ve put at the center of my life. One of them is to work to alleviate suffering wherever I can. This goes hand in hand with my work to help parents reconnect with their children. I want all families to have safety, connection, and less suffering. With that at the center of my life, here are the deeper vows and commitments that are growing out of this time for me:
I vow to stop hiding.
I commit to excavating and examining my own biases and to doing the work to become not just an ally but an active anti-racist.
I vow to educate myself on and to do everything I can to dismantle white supremacy and elevate the work of BIPOC and other marginalized people and communities.
I commit to raising an anti-racist child and to bringing these commitments to the fore in my work with other parents.
And I am working on accepting the fact that I will make mistakes in this work and need to be vulnerable as I learn.
Resources for Talking with Children About Race and Racism
I hope that, like me, you have been able to access some of the very enlightening, thoughtful, and helpful resources that others are recommending right now. In case you haven’t, here are some of those that I have found particularly beneficial in talking with my son during this time, in addition to the reading, watching, and listening I am personally doing about racism:
Coretta Scott King Book Award Winners – a great list of children’s books that “celebrate African American culture and universal human values,” which you can sort by child’s age
Embrace Race: Where to Find Diverse Children’s Books – a useful article with many links to find diverse books, blogs, and other resources, as well as how to examine bias in children’s literature and elsewhere
The Conscious Kid – a Black and Brown owned organization that is “dedicated to reducing bias and promoting positive identity development in youth.” Check out their Instagram (link above) or their Patreon page for excellent resources, including 41 Children’s Books to Support Conversations on Race, Racism, and Resistance.
Talking to Kids About Racism – a recent New York Times article with many helpful links and language for developmentally appropriate ways to have these important conversations with young children
If you have resources to suggest, or feedback on how I talk, write, or present any of my offerings that will help me learn and grow as a coach and a teacher in this work to combat racism, I invite you to reach out to me.
