Last summer, I completed a yearlong instructor certification program with Hand in Hand Parenting. I spent the second half of the year letting all of the echoes and reverberations of the year bounce around inside of me—and inside of my family and my coaching.
I wanted to tell you a little about what I’ve been learning and practicing, and invite you to learn more if it resonates with you.
I’ve been working with Hand in Hand tools for almost eight years, since my son was tiny, after a friend introduced me to a Hand in Hand blog post about how to help young children sleep. The ideas in it were revolutionary for me, and it inspired me to learn more. At that time, I was also learning about RIE—another respectful-parenting approach—and because RIE focuses on younger babies, I was drawn first to becoming a RIE Associate (still working on it!).
Fortunately, RIE dovetails beautifully with Hand in Hand, and as my son got older, I found myself turning more and more to Hand in Hand’s “Parenting by Connection” tools. When I started teaching and coaching parents, I was offering parents tools from both approaches. I still am.
I completed a “Professionals Intensive” with Hand in Hand in the spring of 2020. It was so transformative that I applied for the instructor certification program right after.
My year+ of intensive training with Hand in Hand was the most profound educational experience of my life. How crazy is that? I’m 45, I have a BA and a master’s degree, and in my previous work I spent 15 years learning from some of the best educators across the nation, so there has been no shortage of time or educational experiences with which to compare it.
What made the year so extraordinary is not how much content got laid down (though there was a lot). And it wasn’t even how amazing our teachers and mentors were (though it is also true that they were the most skilled educators I’ve ever learned from).
The thing that made it so remarkable was that every assignment, reading, call, and Zoom class embodied the teachings and essence of this beautiful approach to being with children.
The essence of the Hand in Hand approach is listening. The approach teaches us how to listen to children. How to listen to feelings, yes, but also how to keep listening when we’re setting limits, playing, or just going about our daily lives.
It also teaches us how to listen to fellow parents. When we're challenged by our kids’ feelings, or with their daily or ongoing behaviors. When we’re struggling with our own habitual responses, old hurts, and the other things that get in the way of us being the parents we want to be.
And, at the core of the tools is the simple and profound idea that we are good. We are good, even when we stumble with our kids. And they are good, even when they act in ways we wish they wouldn’t.
To spend a whole year being taught, supported, and buoyed by other adults who saw, reflected, and upheld my own goodness and the goodness of my child—no matter what—was a blessing that still brings me to tears.
As I committed to using the listening tools regularly, I watched old patterns I had carried around since childhood start to dissolve. I noticed that habits and feelings I had worked with for years in therapy—and gave up on changing further—started to lift off of me in a way I never imagined possible. And I saw my capacity to be with the most challenging two years in my family’s life grow and deepen.
I’m not quite finished with my certification process but I’m getting closer. In the meantime, I’m offering the tools more and more to parents in sessions and in my classes. And using them more and more in my own parenting and personal work to be the parent I want to be. If this kind of support appeals to you, please get in touch for a free consultation. I’d love to tell you more.
Thank you for being with me on my parenting journey, and for trusting me to support you with yours.
