I feel a sort of deep, bone-tiredness with all the posts about COVID-19. And at the same time, I can’t seem to stop reading them.
But what has shifted in the past few days is that I find myself wanting less information about the progress of the virus and the havoc it is wreaking on our world, and more information on how we can BE with what is happening.
In case you feel similarly, I thought I’d share how I’m applying my usual respectful-parenting lens to this unprecedented situation.
I usually say that discipline is where the rubber meets the road for us on our journey to be more conscious and attuned parents.
But I must admit that there’s nothing like a pandemic and a complete shutdown of life as we know it to test our mettle as people and as parents. This may be the truest, most direct experience of “parenting as path” that we will ever encounter.
Is it possible to continue to be the parents we want to be right now?
Ask me again in a few months, but right now, I feel that it is.
Here’s what I’m practicing and finding useful right now when it comes to my parenting.
Grounding in Caregiving
Conscious caregiving is at the heart of the Educaring® Approach and one of the things I love most about respectful parenting.
I really believe that we lay the foundation for open, happy, confident kids in the way we care for them when they’re young.
But this attuned way of touching, bathing, dressing, diapering, and feeding our kids isn’t just for them.
Every bit of focused attention we give to our kids in caregiving moments reflects back to us, too. The connection we offer is connection we receive as well.
And, every time we put 100% of our attention on our child, whether it is for ten seconds or three minutes, we are fully present, fully in the moment as it unfolds.
In this time of uncertainty and overwhelm, we can ground ourselves in caregiving—even if our children are beyond the baby and toddler years.
In recent days with my six-year-old I have been practicing slowing down again, lingering over baths and tooth brushing, taking the opportunities for connection anytime they present themselves.
In those moments, I am fully HERE. Not in tomorrow, or next month, or “what if…?” Just here, now.
And that is a huge relief.
Finding a Mantra
I love mantras. I often turn to them in hard parenting moments, as I love the way they can, like poetry, cut to the heart of what I need as well as help me engage with my experience in a more elevated way.
If you find yourself pulled into anxiety more often than you’d like right now, or even just pulled into activities or states that don’t feel helpful (prolonged phone scrolling, etc.), a mantra might help.
My current one is:
We are safe. We have everything we need. We will get through this.
Feel free to take this one if it appeals to you. Or, try writing down a few things you need to hear or believe right now. Pick the ones that feel most like a balm to your spirit when you say them to yourself.
It can help to write your mantra on a post-it and tack it on the fridge or bathroom mirror where you’ll see it often.
Accepting the Gifts
The third thing I’m doing right now that feels nourishing and grounding is looking for the unexpected blessings that are wrapped into this messy and complicated situation. And, when I find them, really taking in the goodness of them.
Yes, I am finding it more than a little challenging to suddenly work a fraction of my usual hours and homeschool an extremely active six-year-old who is also moving his body a fraction of the usual amount. For all the hours. Every day. And I only have one child. And we’re only on day 3 as I write this.
AND. In the last few days I have learned how much this kid of mine loves art. And that he can really and truly read—in Spanish!
I’m amazed that I wasn’t fully aware of these things, but there you have it. This enforced time has shown me things about my own dear one that were hidden from me by the nature of our typical lives.
I know there will be many more challenges coming, for all of us. But may we all continue to find—and feel—the beautiful surprises hidden within whatever comes.
