I offered a free workshop recently on setting limits without using shame or punishment, and as usual, the questions were my favorite part.
We have so many experiences as parents that challenge whatever textbook parenting advice we’ve received along the way.
Examples include:
“OK, I get that it’s a good idea to set a warm limit! But what do I do when I don't FEEL warm?”
“What do I do if agree with this approach in theory, but then when the sh*t hits the fan, I default back to threats and bribes?
“You’ve suggested that I bring connection when my kids are off track, but doesn’t that just send the message that my kid can act like a jerk and I’ll be nice to them?”
Read moreMy sweet, physical, fierce, tender kid turned 10 two weeks ago.
One decade of him.
Ten years of:
Late nights—oh no, he’s up too late; why won’t he sleep?; reading books x 1 zillion; “come on kid, let’s get those teeth brushed!”
Middle-of-the-nights—feedings; diaper changes; bad dreams; rocking rocking rocking; “I don’t know why I’m awake mama I just am;” phone scrolling; wondering if we’re doing it right/doing enough
Early mornings—sweet baby smell; bright eyes; new words that weren’t there the night before; quiet playtime; exhaustion; Special Time x 1 zillion; rushing rushing rushing to daycare/preschool/school/bus
… and so much time in between full of H, the way he is, the way he has always been.
Read moreOne day, toward the end of my mom's recent trip, she came into the kitchen chuckling after a typical display of feeling from our son.
“I can’t get over it. You were just like him,” she said.
Before last summer, I would have scoffed at the comparison. I remember myself as a kid who knew from an early age that there was a right way to be and a wrong way to be. And I was going to be right. Which made me good.
Read moreMost of us have the experience of feeling very angry at our kids at least occasionally. And, more than any other feeling we experience—in parenting or in other aspects of our lives—anger seems to evoke the most shame in us.
Here are a few thoughts about this particularly intense feeling, and how you might begin (or continue) to work with it, especially now.
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